Love

The End Game!

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The Real Deal

None of us are likely to get out of this alive! The value of our lives certainly includes more than what we take…and finds us eternally attached to what we leave behind. In a time where personal expression is at an all-time premium, contributions to the greater good seem lost in translation.

The digital revolution has failed to connect us to the larger world and instead has made us more tribal. When we have to meet the criteria of sameness, to fit in, inclusion seems problematic. Deference is the thread that reveals our humanity.

Pain and suffering along with pleasure and euphoria shape the lens we look through…and sets the boundaries for the way we interpret life events. We want more or less of what we have already had.

If we haven’t changed a major position in our thinking in the last few years it might speak to the stagnation of our own growth. Speaking louder with increased emotion does not of itself indicate we have gained more clarity. I ask a simple question:

IS THE WORLD BETTER BECAUSE WE WERE IN IT?

Analytics

Self-evaluation offers the opportunity to legitimize authenticity. We are able to determine not only what we want but, why we want it. My desire to be “right” is not for dominance but rather for sharing. To actually cause more peace and harmony among my fellow sojourners.

As the push to make everyone identical increases in intensity I consider the loss of built-in beauty intentionally designed in our makeup. Life can be described as a floating mass of thoughts, unimportant until claimed. Once ownership of thoughts is harnessed an agenda gets established. Followers are secured when the cause is commercialized.

How we define ourselves is our path of destiny. Violence, force, and coercion are hopeless to bring us together. Blame lacks urgency and prevents us from being taken seriously. Heck, even we can’t take ourselves seriously when we know we aren’t being responsible for the attitudes we promote.

The Finished Product

Corruption is the thing we are all complicit in. Selfishness, greed, the compulsion to dominate still has no probability of making crooked systems straight. If we stay the course we are now on…what will change?

The deep-dive into the conflicts within offers the only hope for change we can believe in. The constructs of human frailty have sabotaged our highest potential. The need for less rhetoric and more substantive processes are in high demand. The killing of each other has never killed bad ideas.

As I get closer to the end of my life I’m more uncertain of the world my grandchildren will inherit than I was a decade ago. The atmosphere is charged with an uneasy, undetermined inevitability. As those who like to play god and those who like to hate god continue to duke-it-out in the streets I sense the denial of our best selves.

Only when we treat ourselves like we are someone we really care about will we be able to properly care for one another!

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Honor Your Ashes!

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Scorching your life offers nutrients not found in any other experience!

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I often hear great achievers talk about how they got to where they are. They relate methods for seizing your passion, empowering yourself with positive thinking, writing down your goals, and visualizing your dreams. Rarely are the back-stories presented in full disclosure. We routinely received the Readers’ Digest version.

While all success includes overcoming challenges and heralds dedication, determination, and a will to win we can benefit greatly from knowing more about the inner struggles. When we are offered the chance to follow an outline for triumph that doesn’t connect with the reality that we are living in its difficult to see desirable outcomes.

Occasionally, we get the deeper and more valuable storyline. The details of how beliefs of integral lack, feelings of not being good enough, and dealing with roots of unworthiness can address our most haunting questions. What we get from an open acknowledgment of personal failure is an invitation to move in closer. We rise inside, scoot to the edge of our seats, and brace for impact. We sense we are on the verge of a leap forward.

Fake Finality!

Every human being fails but, we do not all fail the same way. Failures get labeled because difference scares us. When we shut the door to learning by thinking we are always right and, only our way is the right way we bring a measure of finality that is unwarranted. We act out on an illusion; a type of fantasy that deceives us.

Only death concludes our participation in the ongoing saga of our lives. Until we take our final breath we retain the ability to write another chapter. To make our lives a celebration. To champion our intentions no matter how adversely they were hindered. All life experiences are a matter of interpretation.

The past has an overrated reputation and wields a mysterious kind of power. Through fear and manipulation, we succumb to directives of an imaginary nature. It’s easy to draw conclusions that either render us immobile or even drive us to retreat. I remind myself often that the past is less versatile than the present.

Perception is not reality but, what we perceive forms the reality we face. A closer look shows the past to have only two distinct potentials; the excuse for losing or the excuse for winning. It’s never too late to be what you were meant to be, to finish what you started, to start again, or to start for the first time.

“Don’t let the past be the imposter in your present.”

Grow From Within!

Failure Quote: Never confuse a single failure with a...

I scorched my life! I walk with a limp. And, I’m suspect of anyone who doesn’t. Oh, I’m thankful, very thankful that not everyone makes the same mistakes as I have made. I failed morally, intellectually, spiritually, and just about any other way you can think of. But I refuse to let any of it have the final word.

The landscape of my personal relationships, business relationships, and even family have undergone significant changes. You have to surround yourself with people who want the best for you, who believe in your inherent value, who can visualize your rise from the ashes. Remember, some people are for a reason and some are for a season!

Failure isn’t a grade its a lesson. Using what has gone wrong to correct your life’s course is wisdom personified. Hiding from our pain, embarrassment, or fear leads to the loss of precious time, the only thing we can’t get back. I’m not proud of my mistakes. I’m proud of not letting them define me. The sweetest revenge is success!

Honor Your Ashes!

 

 

That’s Not My Job!

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Our morning routine was interrupted. I was engaged in conversation and failed to notice the time. My grandson said,”Papa! pointing to the clock, I need my breakfast.” “I said, that’s not my job, to which he replied, “YES it is!”

good morning...pixabay

Image courtesy of pixabay

I quickly got him his breakfast. No time for an object lesson or an extended conversation.

HONEST REFLECTION

I have spent years deliberately affirming this boy. I’ve learned that how you feed people, literally or otherwise, is an act of love…or loveless. He’s not helpless. He often gets his own food. But preparing his breakfast is something I have done since he was a baby. I have done it with pleasure and get a lot of joy from doing it. He’s come to know this…and that is what he sees as my job!

Every morning he stops by the restroom and then comes to be held by me. I say the same thing every day. I take him into my arms and engage him with,  “Good morning!””Did you sleep well? Do you feel good today? I love you!” This too is something he does without thought. When I’m not home to complete this morning ritual I feel the loss all day…from what he says I know he does too.

This is too precious…too virtuous to interpret as some calculated job description.

WARNING

Love is the most fertile soil we have available. We can’t do love like it’s a means to an end. Why? because love is not an investment in others…its an investment in ourselves and others benefit like we’ve planted them in Miracle Grow. Why? because we are connected to every living thing.

warning...pixabay

Image courtesy of pixabay

We won’t feel the same or experience the same level of intimacy with everyone but if we are “being love” we can interact from a place that makes those who feel unlovable or unwanted feel what they most need to feel.

The absence of love in our homes and in our business affairs leads to corruption of monumental proportions. It fosters performance-based reasoning, promotes competition, and leaves all affected by shame or hyper-inflated egos. It’s not about competition…It’s about completion. We can complete tasks, missions, and projects without completing ourselves. But, we will never know what we should be doing until we actually complete ourselves…and we can’t complete ourselves without love.

GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS

Our homes, businesses, private and public relationships share the common requirements of love, respect, and empathy. If money alone is success, we have justification for empty and unfulfilled lives. We have the visible wrappings for meaningless existences and disconnected capital ventures.

under construction...maxpixel

Image courtesy of maxpixel

Getting the most out of doing the least has sacrificed our greatest opportunities for going out of our way to meet someone else’s need. We forfeit the ability to demonstrate to another person that they represent more than money, more than being an object of pleasure and that we refuse to treat them as a “mark” for our own greedy gain.

We have much work to do to remedy our complex and integrated problems but I think I at least know where to begin. Love can’t possibly fail us!

What would our lives look like if we all decided to love first and let everything else follow?

If love is not everyone’s job then its nobody job!

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Easter Fools!

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Historically, Easter Sunday and April Fools’ Day has happened, on the same day, a number of times.

Perpetual

It’s a bit challenging to establish the origin of April Fools’ Day. Some think the holiday was first mentioned by Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales (1392). In 1508, French poet Eloy d’Amerval referred to a poisson d’avril (April fool, literally “Fish of April”), a possible reference to the holiday? There are too many possibilities to lists. We can agree it began somewhere and continues around the world in various forms. (Wikipedia)

Easter Sunday is much easier to nail down. It’s universally believed to be the resurrection of Jesus on the third day after His crucifixion. To some, this is the cornerstone of their faith. Other people find the notion disgusting and dismiss the very idea as a day for fools. Whatever position you hold, Easter began and continues around the world in various forms.

Egg On The Face

Pranks are coming! It’s just too irresistible…too invitational not to pull some shenanigans on the unsuspecting.  In modern times, people have gone to great lengths to create elaborate April Fools’ Day hoaxes. Newspapers, radio and TV stations and Web sites have participated in the April 1 tradition of reporting outrageous fictional claims that have fooled their audiences. Maybe, “Fake News” is simply an omission to say, April Fools.

The faith-based have their own challenges. The Easter story carries the dynamic of  God, defying natural law and clearly defines the Creator as supreme over the created. According to Jesus, all power in heaven and earth is His. And, He gives this power to His followers. Any Halleluja around impotence offers the skeptic all the fuel they need to scoff.

Funtimes

A few years ago I decided to prank my wife’s aunt. She is a rock…a matriarch in the family. This was at the time when the paternity of Anna Nicole’s baby was dominating the news cycle. When she answered the phone I said, aunt Freda, I’ve done something I need to confess to the family so, I decided to tell you first.

She said, OMG, what have you done? Just a minute, she replied. I’m on the other line and I will tell them I will call them back. I knew I had her. She was so concerned and willing to hear my confession. She clicked away and then came back on the line. Ok, she lamented, what have you done?

I said, aunt Freda, I’m the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. After a moment of silence, we both started laughing so hard neither of us could speak. I had to hand the phone to my wife who was standing next to me not knowing what I was up to. Even though she was laughing too she managed to say to her aunt, he’s a nut!

I’m a writer. I’m always aware of the need to show… not tell. As a person of faith, I’m also aware of the need to show…not tell. For years my life experiences didn’t match my beliefs. I fundamentally misunderstood the correlation between my mess and my message. I kept wisdom at bay by complicating the simplicity of truth.

Somewhat slowly, understanding emerged. My desire to experience good things, to benefit other people, to witness the power of virtue in action was frustrated by my theology, doctrines, and dogmas of judgment and condemnation. I was undeniably opposing my self. When I learned to accept what I needed most I also understood what others need most from me…

I’ve been able to convince myself…love never fails! It’s the antidote to the self-righteous and the haters. We can be very divided on how we define love but, when we meet it face to face it does its job. Love is the only way I know to not be an Easter Fool!

What do you think?

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The Power of Sufficiency!

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Compassion

I came running from the backyard when I heard the magical tune of the ice cream truck. I darted into the house to ask grandma for the money to buy an ice cream. I panicked when she said she didn’t have the nickel it cost. I paused, standing in place as my hopes melted.

ice cream truck

Image courtesy of flickr.com

I was five or six years old on that warm summer day. I slowly walked outside as the truck drove past my house. We lived on a dead end street so I knew it had to come back past me. I stood at the edge where our sidewalk met the pavement. Pitiful as I could be, tears streaming down my face. The young man driving the truck evidently couldn’t take my distraught demeanor so he stopped and gave me an ice cream for free.

The next day I was playing away when I heard that same sound. I jumped off the tire swing leaped up on the porch and yanked on the screen door slamming it into the wall as it swung open. I ran into the house to find grandma. I didn’t have a good handle on economics. I didn’t understand that our finances hadn’t changed since yesterday. I gasped as the air completely departed my lungs.

Wait! I cried my way into an ice cream yesterday. Maybe I can do it again. I put on my sad sack formal wear and assumed my post. I watched in anticipation as the truck turned around at the end of our road. Here he comes…I got my beg on. He acted like he didn’t see me. I think he even stepped on the gas as he went by. I’ve never forgotten the feelings I experienced on both of those days.

We were poor and I hated everything it represented. I have so many memories of being left out because we couldn’t afford this or that. I think in my own naive way I vowed to overcome monetary depravity. I didn’t want to ever feel those feelings again.

A Backward Glance

I ventured out into the world unprepared to succeed. My father and three stepfathers did little to move my ball down the court. Leaving home at fifteen to escape the violence and hatred did little to increase my stature. Even though I left prematurely I didn’t get out before some significant damage was done.

I looked back only to remind myself to keep going. I wished things were different but, it didn’t take long to learn that wishful thinking wasn’t the mother of invention. I appreciated the free ice cream I got that day but I wanted to be able to pay for ice cream whenever I got the urge.

Steady As She Goes

When I got married and had a couple of kids my financial forecast was bleak at best. I wanted a family…the family I never had. I also wanted to give my kids a better life…a better childhood than I’d had. I didn’t have a very good plan or strategy to make a better life but, what I did have was the intention to do so.

perfect storm comons.wikimedia.org

Image courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

Shame is a terrible weight to carry and I was loaded with it. Before I knew what my issues were I added on layers of responsibilities. Life is full of good intentions that never get followed through on. I had the makings of a perfect storm.

I tried one thing after another. Seeking. Searching. Trying to make it all happen. Oftentimes my only fuel was the necessity of those depending on me. I simply had to keep going. There was so much I immediately improved. And, there were fierce repetitions from adolescence at work that I didn’t even know were there.

The refusal to give up eventually brought about opportunities. The kind of monumental moments that change your trajectory. Things began to work out that wasn’t connected to any well-planned scheme. They happened solely because I kept looking, pushing, believing I could make life worth living.

Never Give Up

Back in the 90’s I built a  multi-million dollar insurance agency. The residual income should have lasted me for the rest of my life. For a while, it looked like I had set us up for good. Through some mergers and shifty corporate shenanigans, it evaporated overnight. Gone with a thirty-day notice.

I don’t like to be violated, who does? I don’t know how to warm up to rejection. What I do know is that disappointment is never unemployed. It’s almost like some people feel it’s required of them to do you wrong and do so blaming you for their unacceptable behavior. I’ve had the bitter experience of disappointing myself more deeply than anyone else has. It’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.

Callenge yourself Air Mobility Command

Image courtesy of Air Mobility Command

When you peer past the obvious there remains a subtle truth: If you made it once you can make it again! If you’ve yet to experience that one big break the only reason…the only reason you’re thinking about it is that it’s within you…within your reach.

In a world filled with corruption, polarization, and the hollowness of the world wide web we have a standing invitation to make things better for ourselves and those we come in contact with. The age of entitlement is half right. We are each entitled to our dreams and to what we can achieve. But, if we define success by what is given to us we can never be free. We cannot know what we are capable of and we will never know who we are.

I learned something about compassion the day that young man stopped and gave me an ice cream. I learned something even more important the very next day when he didn’t stop… when he didn’t even look my way, I learned the power of sufficiency!

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

Staying Inspired Is A Tricky Business!

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LEANING IN

You know you have a dream on your hands if you experience more than an occasional flirtation. And, your passion keeps tempting you with eye contact. When you are given to restless nights and, busy days filled with contemplations of fully expressing yourself you just might be pregnant with possibility. The discomfort of not delivering that thing you are carrying inside can make a person downright grouchy.

 

flirting by ferlinka borzoi on flickr

Image courtesy of Ferlinka Borzoi via flickr.com

Whether our dreams are big or small they are precious, to the dream holder. Dreams can be ever so fragile and should be handled with utmost care. It can be tortuous even trying to understand exactly what it is we want to bring forth let alone, explain it to someone else. I’ve discovered that it’s best not to deny how I feel about my embedded seeds of artistry. Allowing my passion to unfold has been a lifesaver for me.

 

Passion can evolve from childhood or come along later in life. But, passion has a way of demanding attention. While it can be ignored for brief periods of interlude, it’s unusual for deep desires to be silenced indefinitely. They work their way into our consciousness despite the inconvenience it can cause.

Discovering the very thing we are born to do, uniquely called to do is the longing of many hearts. We send ourselves into moments of anxiousness and trepidation when we turn away from the life source our passion provides. We don’t want to give up, … not really. We just get frustrated by what can seem like a never-ending battle to emerge in the light of success.

BANKABLE EMOTIONS

I’ve yet to meet the person who only deals with good feelings. Everyone I know runs the gamut of diverse emotions. The good, the bad, and the ugly make their presence known. I have settled on the notion that all feelings are nothing more than invitations. I think long and hard before I allow feelings a voice. Feelings and thoughts are how we roll.

It’s imperative to capture the feeling of what you want as though you have already obtained it. Thoughts and feelings are not inherently best friends. They must be trained to get along. I’ve witnessed the limitations of positive thinking when it stood alone. No matter how affirming my thoughts, I didn’t enjoy momentum until I addressed any negative feelings too. Because feeling incompetent, disconnected, and unworthy directly opposes the best thoughts.

Feelings are the gatekeeper to the law of attraction. Feelings draw thoughts. The real battle for our dreams takes place in our hearts. Thoughts by themselves can get us to the negotiating table but, to close the deal we will have to get our hearts to agree to it. Owning your heart… the seat of emotions is the result of getting the head and the heart working together. If our thoughts and our emotions aren’t harnessed into a single effort we will continue unfulfilled.

rainbow by grimeshome on flickr

Image courtesy of grimeshome via flickr.com

 

DEFINING MOMENTS

“Everybody’s life is either a warning or an example. You’ve got to decide what you’re going to be and you have to draw a line in the sand.” ~ Tony Robbins

We often treat our failures as the conclusion to what could have been. This is just wrong. I find the perfect in chaos! Learning to embrace pain and pleasure, as pieces of the whole and not as separate experiences, gives me a sense of self-acceptance. “A rainbow is a meteorological phenomenon that is caused by reflection, refraction, and dispersion of light in water droplets resulting in a spectrum of light appearing in the sky. It takes the form of a multicolored arc. Rainbows caused by sunlight always appear in the section of the sky directly opposite the sun.” ~Wikipedia. Rainbows come after a storm. Let your light shine!

Any great achievement comes with a degree of danger. Most significant accomplishments follow a season of intense commitment. Oftentimes the celebration is escorted by a troublesome return to normalcy. According to the Harvard Business Review, after Michael Jordan lead his country to an Olympic Gold Medal, winning his third NBA championship, and scoring more points than any other player in the league for a seventh consecutive season he retired stating, “I just needed to change.”

Jon Stewart expressed similar sentiments in an interview with NPR’s Terry Gross. After directing his first movie, Stewart made the following remark about returning to the daily routine of The Daily Show, “I don’t know that there will ever be anything that I will ever be as well suited for as this show.” “That being said, I think there are moments when you realize that that’s not enough anymore, or that maybe it’s time for some discomfort.” ~HBR, February 3, 2015

I think it’s reasonable to conclude that most people’s lives have a mix of warnings and examples in them. Obviously, we want to be more example than a warning. It’s the dominant arc that gets the final tally. Jordan returned to basketball, and I could not have been more pleased, to accomplish even more incredible feats. I’m not sure where Jon Stewart will reemerge, but here’s the thing to remember in your ups and downs, if you’re still here, you have more to do.

spark of inspiration by@notnixon on flickr

Image courtesy of @notnixon via flickr.com

 

INSPIRATION IS A HABIT

“Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.” ~Jack Canfield

One common denominator I have found among the many successful people I’ve studied is this, success is found in your daily routine. Another lesson I’ve learned the hard way is taking care of myself first. Many people struggle with this concept. We need a time of reflection, meditation, and contemplation that’s protected from intrusion. The morning works best for me because I want to start my day fully charged. It might be a different time for you but, by all means, give yourself a consistent time to align your passion with your activities.

It can be tricky but when we resolve to let the spark of inspiration mature into sustenance we wont go without the inspiration we need!

What do you think about inspiration?

This article first appeared in Read My Mind Magazine.

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Where Greatness Resides!

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ELOCUTION

I’m intrigued by the way words are put together to convey ideas, sentiments, and deep emotions. I appreciate words, phrases, and quotes. I love to hear an angry person when they are in control of their vocabulary and verbally lay the ax to the root of bad ideas. I’m also excited to hear people who are equally adept at erecting the kind of noble word-lofts that even kings want to climb. And, I stand in awe of the celebratory individual with such a command of the English language that everyone wishes them to speak on their behalf.

Speech on pixabay

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

 

The only thing that gets my creative energy flowing more than hearing powerful speeches, verbal duels, and passion inducing vernacular is action. Yeah, imagine that? My attention span becomes shorter and shorter as I become less and less convinced of the speaker’s commitment to what they are saying. I’ve lived too long now to play patty-cake with the idealistic rhetoric of people who think misinformation, deception, and manipulation as art forms.

Our public landscape is changing faster than politically correct terminology. Who can possibly keep up… whatever do you mean? Words are rarely innocent anymore. They are often cosmetically engineered to mean something different than their origin. It’s like dating a plastic surgeon who takes her work home with her. I still dig it. I’m just at a loss sometimes, to know which word is least likely to incarcerate me in the land of sacred spaces. Is my aggression micro or macro? Where is my shrink when I need him/her?

It’s generally accepted that words play a marginalized role. Tone and body language trump mere syllables. Hate speech, nouns and pronouns dipped in insanity, and incendiary disquisitions are most likely to get primetime play. If you have strung together a few lines or a paragraph of hope-filled solutions you should expect to be indicted for inciting a calm.

CLARIFICATION

I love to converse. Share ideas. Make peace with the lexicon pipe. Are we still capable of reasoning together? About important issues? It does seem like neighborly conversations over metaphoric picket fences might be extinct. The silence of the lambs is disturbed by peace devouring foxes. Did you get your shot? Everyone must be introduced slowly and methodically to the impediments of the common sense virus. 

peace pipe on pixabay

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

 

I look both ways but, I find myself running a lot of red lights on intolerance these days. I’m hoping for a resurgence of simplicity and wisdom. We’re now at a time when getting over an education is more challenging than not obtaining one. Who would have ever thought dropouts could actually be the more scholarly career choice? No, I’m not advocating ignorance. But, to not see most colleges have replaced education with indoctrination would be ignorant indeed!

Human beings by nature are problems solvers. It’s just that we have this habit of reinventing negative systemic attacks on our general well-being. Somewhere, deep inside each of us resides the capacity to knock it off. Is remedy to scary of a concept? How about reminding ourselves that healing is a virtuous form of revenge.

DEFINITION

I was incensed so early in life I thought anger was a part of my anatomy. C’mon! This hell-bent annihilation of diversified viewpoints is nothing short of ideological genocide. We need a renewed mind that understands liberty is impossible without restraint. Just because we can say it doesn’t mean it’s expedient that we do.

We are all going to fight for what we believe in. And, we should. But, it will serve us well to be mindful that a free-for-all lacks stability. Our self-justified speechification is eating away at the beauty of independence. The best affirmative action is personal responsibility. It’s liberty and justice for all! or not at all.

Power of the tongue on pixabay

Image courtesy of pixabay.com

 

I don’t like a lot of things. But, wishing thinking produces nothing. Our country has an expanded mind…the genie is out of the bottle. We need to learn to play together before we are bewitched beyond repair. We need a “first, do no harm, approach.

Words founded us. Words define us. Words sustain us. The power of life and death are on our tongues. What we say, how we say it, and who we say it to matters. Our greatness resides in our willingness to improve!

What do you say?

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