It would be nice if I could say that I’ve kept every commitment I’ve ever made. I could say that but, of course, I wouldn’t be telling the truth. Some foolish, misconceived, and emotional vows had to be let go all together. And some well-meaning intentions had to be clarified. Other declarations required a do-over. I’m still longing to seize certain desires in the depth of my soul. (reasons for living)
There’s one promise, I made to myself, that has remained constant. I will forever be a student of life. My devotion for learning, understanding, and meaning has never needed motivation. Periods of despair, darkness, and confusion always succumb to the greater pledge of finding the light. From my childhood until now, I learn.
What I don’t know troubles me. I recognize it as fear. A carryover pattern from feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and something missing. As I’ve gained proper perspective, and insight into reality, I’ve been successful in eliminating dominating negatives. Self-defeating self talk, wallowing in self-pity, mourning a life I thought I should have had nearly caused me to miss my life.
The could have – should have – would haves of life can be thoroughly debilitating. The ever-present “now” is the ticket to paradise. It’s never to late to get it right. For yourself. For those you love. Simply because you can. Comparing is chaining yourself to a journey that was never yours. We are bombarded with ads, about 5000 a day, specifically designed to make us believe we, can’t be what we want to be, unless we buy what they’re selling.
Whether it’s designer shoes, the latest technology, or motivational roadmaps if we aren’t convinced of our own inherent value we are prey for the
prophet profit. Financing the seller’s dream. Nothing wrong, in my opinion, with enjoying the best of everything. If you can afford it. If it doesn’t enslave you. If it doesn’t prevent the real you from emerging. The untold riches aren’t in what we get. They’re in what we give!
I didn’t make it to High School Graduation. I’ve always been sorry I didn’t attend the Prom. I hear it was a lot of fun for many. I haven’t walked across a stage to receive a Degree. A number of Certifications and Licenses has been my institutional achievements. I’ve devoured as many seminars, workshops, and courses I could manage. I’ve read hundreds of books. I’ve had the good fortune to be around people who inspire me. I’ve also experienced shyster’s, con artists, and gamers. Part of my higher education is being able to differentiate.
I’ve gotten over my lack of formal education much better than some have gotten over their B.S. I do have an appreciation for the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice for all those who spend years in the classroom. And use their acquired skills to make the world better. I also hold in high esteem, everyone who stays in school, outside houses of learning. When I see all the social chaos, lack of corporate integrity, and governmental corruption I know the wisest and brightest aren’t the most visible.
I do feel regret over academic shortcomings. Not because of what someone else might think of me. But, because of my love of learning. I will stay a student for as long as I’m alive. I hope to avoid my Cap and Gown for years to come. Part of my romance with life is keeping my mortarboard elusive!
What do you think about your level of knowledge?