Preparing for the good life?
The three must-haves; Affirmation, Identity, A Sense of Worthiness
Emotional support is necessary to grow organically. It shapes the way we see ourselves and initiates our world view. What gets embedded in our formative years will be present, for many years to come, if not our entire lives.
Our inherent value is established or disrupted in the process of affirmation. Hyperinflation can lead to an unhealthy attitude of entitlement. The absence of affirmation can lead to a victim mentality. Words and, more importantly, feelings stay with us.
We emerge thinking the world is friendly or unfriendly. We move forward with trusting or distrusting perceptions. Foundations of love or fear tend to dominate our private landscapes. Intuition can be replaced with suspicion. Anger can turn into self-sabotage.
Proper affirmation settles our right to be here, sets up a purposeful life, and qualifies us to handle the inevitable ups and downs of living. Good decision-making is evidence of how soundly we are affirmed. Where we are in our lives can be traced to the quality of our affirmation.
Adolescence is a nesting ground. A time for discovering our gifts, talents, and calling. A time when personality declares itself. Traits like sociability and irritability become apparent. We display tendencies toward leadership and the spotlight or express desire for less attention and notoriety.
We navigate body changes, peer pressure, and endure exploration en route to finding ourselves. We seek acceptance and respect. We crave to be seen and heard. We learn about betrayal and rejection. We develop methods for obtaining approval and praise.
Leaving the nest should be less about self-discovery and more about self-expression. Every year millions of people spend millions of dollars in the quest for identity. The void created by this missing piece is the culprit for much dysfunction. There is simply no replacement for the platform of identity.
Sense of Worthiness
Worthiness makes all things possible. I doubt that anything can define worthiness better than self-respect. Much disappointment comes from waiting for other people to give us what we are unwilling to give ourselves. There’s a well used saying; “you don’t get what you want – you get what you are.” Knowing why things happen is eye-opening.
Maturity is the result of nurturing potential. When our importance is communicated we’re able to gain independence. We flourish when our expectations aren’t embattled in self-doubt. Nothing hinders accomplishment like feelings and thoughts of being undeserving. Worthiness is not ego driven. In fact, it’s the opposite. Worthiness doesn’t have to force anything – it’s a force of nature!
We shove off on the journey of life with expectations rooted in our psyche. We are either committed to balance or we’re bent toward extreme. We are grounded in the concept of giving and receiving, holistically, or we struggle for position. Acceptance is the only proof worthiness requires.
Parenting Our Adult Selves
In a perfect world nothing would go wrong. Every experience would be virtuous. Every choice would be noteworthy. Anything bad would be excluded. But, all relationships are wrapped in humanity. From parents to significant others to bosses and our own children we deal with imperfection. Understanding misunderstandings is in our job descriptions.
Excuses defy reason. Blaming others is the practice of avoiding personal responsibility. A loyalty to what went wrong. Reasons offer the understanding needed for change. I had a horrible beginning, a lot of people do. Many of my decisions stayed true to my start in life. Realizing I don’t need to change the events, or the players in my past, freed me to move toward the life I want.
There’s no substitute for clarity. Affirmation, identity, and a sense of worthiness will clear the debris from reality. Opening up opportunities for progress. These things are possible at any age and any stage. We deserve a rich, rewarding, and fulfilling life.
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