When Daddy Goes to Work!


What really happens when a father goes to work? Beyond the obvious provisions and opportunities, that derive from his labor, what goes on in his work life?

If he’s been effective at nurturing the wings, wisdom, and wonder of his children he has established a feeling of security. More importantly, he’s established a sense of worthiness, clarity, and the early discovery of individual identity. When he walks out the door for his place of employment it’s just part of what he does for himself, his family, and his future.

In an ever-changing world where little job security exists, competition is fierce, and technology advances faster than you can spell obsolete, he faces every day. Does he wrestle with his own feelings and thoughts of being less than enough? With the weight of hopes and dreams resting on his shoulders is he asking himself whether or not he can pull it off?

The future of his family is in his hands. But what about the man himself. Did his father teach him what he needs to know? Was his father even there? Did he get his issues resolved from childhood? Did he manage to depart adolescence without any life altering scars before he became a dad himself? What, if any, is the depth of his internal conflicts.


What about the culture of his job? Is the environment one in which people are only important for the money-making mission at hand? Does he work, day after day, watching his back because at any minute he can find a knife in it? What are the chances he performs at optimum capacity and gets appreciated for doing so?

As the dinner bell rings, the door swings open, and dad walks in. No matter what the day put him through he has only love and appreciation for the family gathered around the table. What happens here is not for money. In fact, the work here is compensated far differently. Money would be an insult to the value of this work.

Does the man making a million dollars a year have different responsibilities toward his children than the man making 30 thousand dollars a year?  A man has to provide for his dependents. Take care of the necessities of life. Offer some opportunities for leisure and fun experiences. He has to at least help finance dreams. A man has to make a living.

Bringing sustenance to the table is work. Valuable work that can not and should not be minimized in its virtue. But it’s not the most important work in the lives of fathers.


When a father goes to work he ensures his children have a sense of worthiness inherent in every breath they breathe. They have a sense of clarity about where they will find significance in the vast sea of life. They will be confident in who they are, their own identity. They won’t be searching for someone else to tell them who they are. They won’t be looking for anyone to complete them.

When a dad goes to work the world is made a better place. Because he does not send overindulged narcissistic offspring, artificially connected through technological relationships, incapable of empathy, and highly entitled thinkers into society. He doesn’t release thoughtless whiner’s, prone to temper tantrums, and violent protesters who upend the possibility of moderate resolution because they are too self-centered and demanding to validate anyone who disagrees with them.

When a dad goes to work he teaches respect for difference. He demonstrates how to stand your ground, occupy your space, without compromising your beliefs while co-existing with a world that might be searching for its own identity. He provides an understanding for cultures, attitudes, and  values from all walks of life. He will teach how to fight, but most importantly, he will instruct as to when to fight.

Fatherlessness is pandemic. Widespread across the world and its many societies. Some people find politics entertaining. As many of my fellow countrymen were closely watching our recent election, I was closely watching our country. The evidence of fatherlessness is undeniable to me. We have a father hole the size of humanity.

I wonder what would happen if dads would go to work!

Check out my recently released book:

IF ONLY I HAD A DAD: Finding Freedom From Fatherlessness





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The Mission of Transformation!?

The seven truths that lead me to a life I don’t want to leave.

It took over fifty years to live it out and two years to write it but today, on my sixtieth birthday, I’m happy to share my journey with you.sixty-and-two

I had to unravel a serious emotional, mental, and religious knot. My dad abandoned me and I had three stepfathers by the time I was nine. I was raised in an ultra conservative religion and yet conformity didn’t set me free.

I searched and searched, good places and bad, but the pain never stopped until, that one moment in time when everything changed. I’m fortunate. I can pinpoint the time, place, and circumstances that marked my transformation. It was only the beginning but I would never be the same. book-promo-pic

I didn’t know what being wanted felt like. I had no sense of worthiness. Any uniqueness existed in my eternal defect. Things don’t last. I didn’t know where I belonged. With no clarity, and the absence of my identity I roamed into hyper-masculinity and developed approval addiction.

When my grandson dropped out of heaven I became a man!

master-book-release-picRead the whole real life story, with the ugly left in, and hope for us all!

Available on Amazon

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Image by Muffet on flickr

Coming out of the holiday season, adjusting my belt to accommodate comfort, I admit to overindulging. I’m not going to complain I’m just going to get going on the physical health aspect of what I want to be in the new year.

I know some people who frankly believe eating leftovers is the worst thing you can do. They turn their noses up at the idea and look at you as if you’re completely without polish or sophistication. I have worked this until I’m not the least bit bothered. Turkey and ham sandwiches the next couple of days is right up my alley.

As we go into the new year many of us will be dealing with leftovers. Not only the ones in all the pretty little Tupperware containers, but personal and/or professional business that didn’t get completed.

If you shot for the stars and hit the moon you’re probably celebrating like a Boss. But, if you left goals and commitments unaccomplished you might be suffering a hangover that doesn’t require any alcohol to inflict its head pounded displeasure. What a difference a day makes is nothing compared to the changing landscape of a year in review.

Whether it is original to John Lennon or not I picked up a favorite quote from him; “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” Before we launch in to pick up where we left off we might want to inventory why this is leftover and does it still fit with what I completed and discovered in the last twelve months.


Image via comedy_nose on flickr

After the third day I have kind of had my fill of the leftover ham and turkey. I have to get rid of the bounty of sugar goodies that linger on the shelves and in my secret hiding places. It’s time to end the reprieve and get back to business. Christmas is my favorite season but I’ve learned to greet it warmly and definitively get over it all quickly.

My plans for this year are lofty. challenging, and will take more than I am to fulfill. I’m making my choices on purpose. Being more deliberate than I have ever been. I have no thoughts of failing. While I am not oblivious, to the many obstacles and threats facing my best intentions, I know personal resolve is the only way things get done.

think big ryan altamera on flickr

by Ryan Altermera on flickr

I’m stating my objectives clearly, sharing my dreams openly, and I vow to hold myself accountable. I give my inner-circle permission to call me out for any and all excuse making. I’m not the only one counting on me. Others are hoping for my success and will benefit from my achievements. I don’t want to let any of us down.

I’m interested in you, your dreams, and knowing you are reaching your best life. Please let share where you see yourself one year from now.