What a beautiful morning! Warm. Sun shinning bright. A slight breeze strolling past his body. Alex inhales the aroma of his fresh brewed coffee. It’s early. Leelee isn’t up yet. Soft sounds of birds chirping adorn his peaceful state. The silence is refreshing. It seemed like the neighbors were politely refusing to interrupt his solitude. He closed his eyes. Took in a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Accepting the sacred moment he’s in.
He’s getting use to new thought patterns. He’d never been relaxed. Not fully. Customarily twisting and turning in memories of ugly things. Realizing now, how much he’d lost by his filter. The perception he’d employed to make his decisions. This week brought him another “light-bulb moment.” He judged other people based on how he felt about himself. Believing he was damaged. Irreparably bent. He’d been a functional user. Addicted to seeing what’s wrong. On the outside he was enviable. Inside he’d been tormented. Expecting to lose it all any minute. Fearing he’d be discovered as a fraud. His new found liberty gave him space to re-evaluate.
Without religious ritual he’d repented. Not knowing the language or procedure, it took place, without the usual trappings. Not in a house of worship but in a chamber of privacy. An intimate encounter. A divinely orchestrated pause led to new ideas. First time thoughts fueled desirable feelings. He’s making choices that sustain his ecstasy. He doesn’t have a rule book. It’s an invisible outline, of tangible significance, that’s guiding him. Many questions remain. Answers are abundant. He’s perceiving the presence surrounding him. He knew he’d sensed it before. Now he’s identified it.
Alex is tracing his steps. Walking through days gone by. Defining key moments in his life. Redefining life events. Rewriting his own narrative. Anger starts to rise. Sadness is along side. Wisdom steps in. Yesterday is gone. It’s clear to him. The best way to ruin healing is to be upset about it. His lack of wholeness was the result of hanging on to stuff he couldn’t control. Why be mad about how he thought and felt in the past. He wants more of what he’s experiencing now. Letting go is a private matter. Decluttering your life is a personal responsibility. He’s meeting himself. The man who had been hidden behind layers of wrong, wrong, and more wrong!
He’d previously avoided his feminine side, as they say. Keeping his gentleness in check with rough and tumble disguises. Using anger to camouflage his shame. Facing the world with artificial force. His emptiness is gone. Replaced by a well of living water. Nourishing his new beginning. He acknowledges, there was always a whisper. A thought- voice offering him another way see, feel, and think. As he pondered his path he wondered what kept him from understanding all those years. He asked, why didn’t I get it? The thought came to him; I was living a prefabricated life. Building meaning and purpose with disorder, dysfunction, and deceit. Smiling at himself, Alex is reveling in the sweetness of correction.
Leelee said, morning, as she slid back the screen door. Her words shook his eyes open. Good morning, he replied, jumping up from his chair. Glancing at his watch he’s surprised at the time. It had been over an hour since he sat down outside and closed his eyes. He’d been lost in spirituality. He wouldn’t call it that. Not yet. He would soon, though. His coffee was cold. He hugged her. Kissed her forehead. Helped her to a seat. He asked, can I fix you a coffee? Yes, thank you, she said. He picked up his cup and turned to go inside. Leelee reached out and grabbed his arm. Could I have tea instead? she requested. Peppermint please. Coming right up, he exclaimed.
As Alex disappeared she closed her eyes. Feeling the same warmth of the sun and gentle breeze Alex had been enjoying. Being a woman, she is immediately aware of the other warmth hovering under the patio cover. Tears of joy filled her eyes knowing Alex was connecting to his heavenly Father. She quickly wiped away the evidence, not wanting to violate the moment. Alex said, here you go sweet wife of mine, handing her the tea. Thank you, honey, she said. Careful not to spill his coffee he settles in the chair next to her.
Leelee is big. Their special day is approaching fast. She shifts in her chair to get comfortable. Like some kid who knows a fun secret, she looks at Alex with love, amazement, and thankfulness. He catches her smile. Tells her, you are so beautiful. Alex, c’mon. I’m a buffalo, she states in a matter-of-fact tone. Now that you mention it, you are a bit inflated. That’s not what you’re suppose to say, Alex. He chuckles. You are the most beautiful buffalo I’ve ever seen. Nice recovery, Mister. They both giggle a while. For the next hour they shared precious things.
When given the chance, heaven and earth comes together, proves it’s reality. Abundant life happens when we don’t fight it. A wide open heart attracts unlimited possibilities!
Marty will return next Friday!