Letting go of familiar things isn’t easy. Growth often means the world looks and feels different. The unfamiliar frightens us. The desire for change is often met with apprehension. The layers created through fear, misunderstanding, and bitterness can wrap you up tight. It’s courage, wrought by love, for yourself and others that moves you down the road. Alex had slowly merged into the fast lane.
This is the way life should be. Leaving behind popular themes and embracing authenticity. Discovering the story you wrote, lived, was far worse than the life events that injured you. The truth necessitates burying the lies and errors of your thinking. Your way of being. You move through the stages of grief. The effect is the same as if you had lost a loved one. Wrong thinking had been with Alex for so long. It was a relationship he was comfortable with. Depended on. It justified the way he was. How he treated himself. And the people trying to love him. Now Alex sees how his story affected the people he loved too.
Pure transformation is the only way Alex could explain his new life. Not from dogma, theology, or religious rhetoric. It’s a relationship with his Creator, his heavenly Father. He never thought this could happen to him. He wasn’t exactly open to it. It’s difficult to embrace a god you’re mad at. One that you blame. Learning to be conscious of God’s presence, to realize He was always there, changed Alex. He couldn’t walk any lighter if he lost fifty pounds. The weight removed from his private world set him free.
Alex believes religion is man’s attempt to explain God. He preferred to hear it straight from the horses mouth. His daily conversations with God staggered him. He had this stream of optimistic thoughts invading his mind. He marveled at how much God made sense. To Alex, many believers and unbelievers had things a little distorted. Mixed up. To him, culture and custom blocked the clarity of divine things. He thinks atheist’s and agnostics use the boundless limits of human reasoning to exclude God. Christians, on the other hand, present Christianity as a dog fight. A constant battle where hate ends up occupying the space love belongs.
For his entire life, Alex kept his distance from both directions of thinking. He admitted his awareness of caution restraining him from declaring a position. Alex is a deep thinker. He peered into spiritual things from a distance. Even he didn’t perceive the capacity he possessed. God is speaking directly to him. He senses he’s blessed to have this ongoing dialogue. He won’t allow himself to feel unique though. He made that mistake with his pain. He’s not about to replicate it with his pleasure. He doesn’t feel superior to anyone. The only difference he sees between himself and others is his willingness to believe what he’s hearing.
He pulls into his driveway. It’s been a great day at work. He can’t wait to get inside his home. He’s loved Leelee for so long he can’t remember a time when he didn’t. Now he loves without reservation. No longer fearing potential abandonment from his wife. He never had any cause for his feelings. Just the past messing with his present. With that junk removed from his mental processes eternity is present in his affections for his lovely bride. Leelee feels it too. When he holds her in his arms it goes right through her.
The first thing he sees when he walks through the door is Leelee standing in the kitchen. Her belly sticking out. Exaggerated by the house dress she’s wearing. Her hair is flowing around her face. He’s taken back by her beauty. Being pregnant has only added to her aura. Looking toward him she smiles and says, hi honey. He responds with, hey baby, how’s my girl? He tosses his briefcase on the counter. Takes her into his arms. You could slice the love in the room and serve it to the neighbors.
Love never fails! The four of them enjoy the moment. Five if you count baby to be.
Marty will return next Friday!